Category Archives: Living

Saying Goodbye to Granny

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One of the best things about marrying Bryan was that I had a grandma again. She lived in Las Vegas when we got married and moved closer to us about six years ago. We have loved having her here and I feel so lucky to have watched as she and Evan fell head-over-heels in love with each other. The two of them developed a special little bond that I hope will last forever. After all, Granny was the one who gave Evan his special little Taggie Bear that he clings to each night.

Evan’s favorite thing to do was to take Granny donuts. Yesterday when I told him Granny was sick, he said, “I know what will make her feel better! Let’s you, me, dad and Madelyn take her donuts.”

It’s what we’ve always done, but I explained that she might be going to Heaven this time and we might not get to see her again. His face got very still and he said, “But I want to take her her favorite donut before she goes to Heaven.”

He didn’t get to. Granny left us this morning. I know she was ready to go. Just a few weeks ago I asked her how she was feeling and she said, “Mindy, I’m afraid I’m going to live to be 100.” I told her I wanted her to, and I meant it. I loved my visits with Granny. We’d share recipes and books and she always smiled when she saw my kids. She was a kick to be around.

She ended each day with a Manhattan—a cocktail made with nothing more than whiskey, vermouth and bitters. Granny preferred Jack Daniels to Jim Beam. One time, Bryan and I went to dinner with Granny and we decided we’d each have a Manhattan along with her. I had no idea what was even in a Manhattan, but if Granny liked it, I figured I could handle it, too. Bryan and I couldn’t stomach them and Granny ended up finishing all three.

I always loved visiting Granny when she lived in Las Vegas. Bryan and I would pick her up her favorite coconut cake from Jerry’s Nugget and play Bingo with her at the Station Casinos. She was a regular there. The valets knew her name and the waitresses knew her drink.

Granny was a machine in the casino. She had five Bingo cards to my two and could still have all of her cards stamped and lean over to help me before the next number was called. I think I was a sweaty mess from the stress of it all by the time we made our way to the slots. She was just as skilled there. At one point, I won. Granny leaned over and did the math before the slot machine finished ringing up my numbers. She was dead on.

Shortly after Granny moved to Maryland, Bryan and I saw a news report about the Station Casinos’ stock price dropping. Ever the accountant, Bryan created an Excel spreadsheet that showed the direct correlation between Granny’s move and the decreasing profits at the casino. I think Vegas missed her as much as she missed Vegas.

Fortunately for us, she moved here right before we started our family and got to be among the first people to hold both of my kids when they were born.

When Evan was a toddler, we started each visit at Granny’s house by moving her red candy dishes off of her coffee table. Then, as Evan grew, he would move the candy dishes all on his own. When Madelyn started toddling around, she would take the wrapped candy out of each dish and deliver them one at a time to Granny. She would then retrieve them all and place them back in the dish one by one.

Granny has been a part of every birthday and holiday my kids have ever known.

They got to color Easter eggs with her and show off their Halloween costumes.

They picked out Christmas and birthday gifts for her and loved going out to eat. In the summer, we’d stop at Jimmy Cone for ice cream after our meal. Everyone went home sticky.

It was Granny who slipped Evan his first bites of ice cream when he was just a baby. I think that is when they became true partners in crime.

Last night, Bryan and I visited Granny in the hospital. She didn’t open her eyes, but we held her hand and cried by her bed. I thanked her for loving my kids. Because really, that is the best gift you can ever give a mother—to love her kids.

She always had some sort of special treat for Evan—a toy truck, a piece of cake or even just a piece of candy. She also had a kiss and a hug for him and did the same for Madelyn when she came along.

Tonight before bed, Evan told me he didn’t want to never see Granny again. I told him I felt the same way. Then I asked him what he loved most about her. “She was so nice,” he said.

As we left the hospital last night, I held my husband’s hand and told him how lucky he is to have gotten to have Granny for so long. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it may even make it worse, especially as we try to explain things to Evan and mourn Granny’s loss. But I am oh-so grateful I got to have a grandma again despite the pain that comes from having to say goodbye. She was an awesome lady and I know Bernie is happy to have her with him again.

The Benefits of Being a Write-at-Home Mom

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More and more I am finding my days peppered with bittersweet reminders that my baby boy is growing up. A slight annoyance when I run my fingers through his hair or a silly face instead of a smile when I try to take his picture is proof that Evan is proclaiming his independence a little more every day. My heart breaks each time I see the baby I once held disappearing deeper and deeper inside my boy.

Today while Madelyn was napping, I suggested projects, games and activities to entertain Evan. I was rebuffed every time. He was wearing a Transformers mask, Ironman glove and a fireman hat when he looked up at me and said, “Can I have a friend over?”

For years I’ve been the center of his little universe and had to plot out ways to keep him occupied. Then today, for the first time I can remember, my boy chose someone other than me. He's had play dates before, but this one was different. He initiated it, and when his friend got here, he didn't need me around. It stung, but this afternoon while he and his friend were playing downstairs and Madelyn and I busied ourselves upstairs, I felt even more grateful that I’ve been a write-at-home mom for the past four years. I’ve gotten to take advantage of games of hide-and-go-seek, dress up and superheroes all while working around my guy’s schedule.

As a freelancer, there are weeks that are much harder than any full-time job I’ve ever held. (Last year I pulled my first all nighter ever AND had to take care of my kids the next day—that was rough!) But the subtle reminders about how quickly my boy’s toddler years passed are also my inspiration for keeping my freelance business afloat.

Evan starts kindergarten next year, and I don’t want to miss out on any of the joy that the school year brings. I also want to savor Madelyn’s toddler years, even though I think navigating her tantrums will be quite the adventure. At the same time, I love writing, and the value I get out of my career. I want to have my cake and eat it too, and I think being a write-at-home mom is the closest I can get to that! So tonight, I will go to bed mourning the 'loss' of the little boy that used to let me snuggle him whenever I wanted and liked when I played with his hair, but I will also be feeling grateful for freelancing and the schedule it has allowed me to keep. 

A Day in the Life

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I love being a full-time freelance and mama. People often ask me how I structure my days to make the most of my time. I shared a little bit over on The Traveling Writer, but to give you a sneak peak into a typical day for me, here is a play-by-play account of a day last week:

5:00 a.m.: Our house is up and moving thanks to two little kiddos that have no idea just how early 5:00 really is. I spend the next three hours finding just the right Elmo video, getting myself ready, preparing lunches, packing school bags and feeding the kids breakfast.

8:00 a.m.: The whole family is loaded in the car and we’re driving to Metro to drop my husband off at his train, then it is off to preschool. As my husband is driving to the train station, I check email and have a message from a client asking if I can write about a new regulatory issue for her newsletter. I write back and ask if I can turn it in on Monday morning. She agrees.

9:30 a.m.: Finish the preschool drop off and head off to a meeting with an editor to discuss taking over two sections of his magazine on a regular basis. I am super excited!

10:00 a.m.: Arrive at my meeting. Take a diaper and a Spiderman mask out of my purse and replace it with my monogrammed leather portfolio. Realize I’m a little early and spend some time reviewing the magazine I’m going to be discussing. At this point I also realize that in the morning rush of making sure everyone else was fed, I didn’t eat any breakfast. I check out my snack stash and discover that all that is left are some Cheeze-Its and a half-full box of hard raisins. I opt for the crackers and make a mental note to stick some better snacks in the car.

10:30 a.m.: I have a great meeting with the editor. We discuss his needs and the timing and exactly how he wants the final product delivered (separate files, one file, etc.). I use the face-to-face meeting as an opportunity to discuss the top issues he expects to cover this year and what his readership is the most interested in right now.

11:30 a.m.: Drive back to my home office, grab a protein bar and finish proofing a magazine for a client.

12:30 p.m.: Start researching a story I would like to pitch to a new publication and conduct interviews on two features due next week. Surprisingly, I connect with three sources on the first try! Yeah!

2:20 p.m.: Go and pick my kids up from school. We stay and play on the playground before leaving for home. We spend the rest of the afternoon playing, making dinner and tidying up around the house.

5:30 p.m.: Feed the kids dinner. Then, like a fool, I mixed up some homemade bathtub paints and put the kids in the tub. The kids loved it, but it made an awful mess for me to clean up.

6:30 p.m.: Pick my husband up from Metro.

7:30 p.m.: Put the kids in bed. Wipe the tub down one more time.

8:00 p.m.: Work on the features that I researched during the day. Catch up on Facebook (a guilty pleasure) and watch Jersey Shore (the ultimate guilty pleasure).

11:30 p.m.: Call it a night and go to bed!

P.S. In case you are foolish enough to want to treat your kids to some homemade bathtub paint, mix ½ cup cornstarch, ½ cup hot water and one cup of bath wash. Mix in some food coloring and let your kids have at it.

Well-Meaning Dream Killers

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When I announced my decision to go freelance over three years ago, a handful of well-meaning people tried to talk me out of it. They told me how hard it is to make a living as a freelancer, they reminded me that work would be unsteady and they also brought up the fact that I’d no longer have health insurance or a 401(k) match.

I smiled and nodded. I told them I understood the risks. Sometimes I told them rewards would be much greater. Other times I kept my mouth shut, but each time I thought of my little boy who I wanted to spend more time with and I continued on my path determined to prove them wrong.

The truth is, every day naysayers talk people out of pursuing their dreams. Taking charge of your career path and becoming the captain of your own ship isn’t easy and those that are easily persuaded may not be well suited for the challenges that come with entrpreneurship, but I’m sure plenty are. As hard as it is, we have to silence the negative voices that keep us from taking risks and persuing our dreams. Sometimes those voices are our own.

I had wanted to freelance  years before I finally did it. My fears kept me on a path that came with a steady paycheck and benefits. I loved my job and what I was doing, so rocking the boat felt risky. Then, my son came along. I hired a nanny and returned to work full time after my maternity leave was over, but the fit wasn’t right. Finally, my little guy was the catalyst that made me hang my own shingle. I knew how hard it was to kiss him goodbye each morning and get home just in time to put him to bed. I also knew that I had the skills and the personality that would allow me to chart my own course. I was certain the rewards would outweigh the risks of being self employed and had confidence in my abilities.

I think we all need some motivating factor to make us take the next step. Mine was the deep desire to structure a career around my family, but for you it might be something else. I know not everyone dreams of being a freelancer, but I am certain we all have dreams. No matter what your ambition is, grab onto it because I’m sure your capable of it. I was, but it would have been very easy to let even those well-meaning people I know talk me out of it. Now, nearly four years later, I have two little kiddos I get to spend more time with and I am making a full-time living as a freelancer. If I can find a way to do it, I know you can to.

 

Goings On

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Kids opening Christmas gifts
 

— We’ve spent the past week or so Christmasing with family in Utah. It has been a wonderful time (even though everyone in my little family got hit hard with the flu) and I hate to see it come to an end.

— During my trip, writer and solopreneur Alexis Grant featured me in a Q&A about freelancing on her blog, which is a valuable resource about writing and striking out on your own. It was great to be a part of her site. Thanks, Alexis!

— Also while in Utah, an editor reached out to me and asked if I’d be interested in providing regular support for a few sections within his magazine. I am so excited to take on the project and I’ve already been plotting how I’m going to re-organize my desk to create room for my new responsibilities.

— As part of my Christmas gifts, my husband gave me a Kindle, and I’m becoming an e-reader convert. It is super easy to buy a new book at any hour of the day. I think it was 2 a.m. when I downloaded Christina Katz’s The Writer’s Workout. This quote by Stephen King within the book resonated with me: “If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn’t bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.” I love little reminders that I am finding success as a writer. 

— We still have a few more days before the kids start school again and life returns to normal. I'm hoping to soak in a little more of the Christmas spirit before we start packing away all the decorations and find places to put all of the wonderful gifts we received. I hope you're enjoying the holidays as much as we are. 

Channeling Christmas Excitement in My Kids

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Are your kids abuzz with anticipation over the holidays? Mine are. Even Madelyn seems to know something special is going on. All this excitement can make it hard for busy mommas to get anything done. Luckily I’ve been able to channel my little ones’ creativity. I don’t know about you, but I have a to-do list that is a mile long, so I need all the help I can get over the next few weeks.

Our top go-to activities right now:

Santa’s Workshop

All it takes is some in lumber from Home Depot, wood glue and craft

s from the craft store to turn my son’s tool bench into Santa’s Workshop.

Evan has spent hours creating Star Wars ships, necklaces and other creations. He dons his Santa hat each time he gets to work.

Felt Christmas Tree

Miss Madelyn loves rearranging the ornaments on this felt Christmas tree. I just cut a triangle out of green and multi-colored circles. I taped the tree to the wall and the felt sticks to itself, so she can move the ornaments anywhere she pleases.

I also made a felt nativity using patterns from the blog Under my Polkadot Umbrella.

Cooking

Admittedly, adding my kids’ help to kitchen activities means we spend more time accomplishing our tasks, but they enjoy the one-on-one time that can buy me time to myself a little later in the day. A great acitivity is making cereal treats, as I can have Evan measure and re-measure the cereal at least five times. This treat made with Chex cereal was fun to whip up with the kids. 

 

 

 

How Many Shopping Days are Left?

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The Christmas countdown is on and there are just over two weeks to finish whittling away at your gift list. If you're like me and need to mail your gifts or if you're heading out of town for the holidays, time is even shorter. Here are a few of my favorite gift ideas this year. 

For the writers on your list:  

Every writer needs a subscription to Writer's Digest. It is a little dose of inspiration that is delivered right to your mailbox every other month. Even if your writer friend has one, I'm sure she'd be happy to have you extend her subscription. 

My two favorite books about writing are Stephen King’s On Writing and Anne Lamotte's Bird by Bird. These books have been out for years, but that doesn't mean the writers in your life have read them.  

For the writer who has everything, give notepad-themed dishware. There is also a line of crossword puzzle dishware that is perfect for any word lover.

For little ones that need to be entertained while mommy proofs a final draft, or does the dishes or sends a quick email:

Magformer Building Block Sets are colorful little magnetic blocks that have been a lifesaver in our house. Both kiddos love them and Bryan and I don't mind playing with them either. Madelyn and Evan fought over them so much, my mom sent us another set. 

Bob Books are perfect for novice readers that are learning to sound out words. My little guy was able to read the first few without any help from me, which he thought was great. 

For your mom or daughter: 

The children's book Someday is a sweet book about the love between mothers and daughters. I adore it and wrote a blog post about it months ago. 

For the readers on your list: 
 
An Amazon Kindle or Amazon gift cards are sure to please. 
 
The Book of Awesome is an awesome gift that you can make even better by adding personal notes. See my blog post about it here. 
 
I am going to be spending a good part of the day today trying to wrap up my shopping. I'm still searching for ideas for a few people on my list. What are your favorite go-to gift items this year? 
 

Navigating Creative Delays

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November is NaNoWriMo or, for you non-writers out there, National Novel Writing Month. The idea is that you write fast and furious for 30 days and at the end of the month you have a novel ready for all of the edits and re-writes that take a first draft to a final one. For the past two years, I’ve had the best of intentions to take part. I’ve created a profile and done lots of pre-NaNoWriMo inspirational reading.

Then we get into November and life somehow takes over. There are paying work projects, a loving family (pictured above) and a sweet toddler that needs twice-daily doses of pink amoxicillin that all demand attention. Then toss in Thanksgiving, Christmas cards and kids’ activities and before I know it, it is November 28. Unfortunately, I still haven’t put any words on paper.

While writing an entire novel in a month is a challenge, writing one in three days is impossible. So, I concede defeat and stick NaNoWriMo back into my someday file. But I don’t beat myself up too much. Deferred dreams can still come true.

Anna Quindlen, one of my favorite writers, said, “You probably can have it all. Just not at the same time. And, you might have to make certain compromises when your children are small. But you children are going to be small for a very short period of time.”

Life brings creative delays, but in the end, those delays may make us even better at what we do. Novelist Anne Tyler said, “It seems to me that since I’ve had children, I’ve grown richer and deeper. They may have slowed down my writing for a while, but when I did write, I had more of a self to speak from.”

We all have commitments and learning how to pursue our dreams while meeting our obligations is a fine art. Fortunately, no matter what our passions are, we can all work at our own pace. For me, it is a marathon and not a sprint. 

Uncommon Women

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Do you know any uncommon women? I am fortunate because my life is full of them. I’m sure yours is, too.

Uncommon women are all around us yet they manage to stand out from the crowd. They launch businesses, raise families and take risks others dream of. I see them every morning when I drop my kids off for school, I get to work with them each day and just this weekend I got to reconnect with an amazing group of them that I don’t get to see nearly enough.

Uncommon women inspire us to try something new. Whether it is dancing to Funky Cold Medina or launching a freelance writing business, uncommon women guide us out of our comfort zones. They offer their support and they cheer us on. They become our role models and our friends.

Most of the uncommon women I know make everything they do look easy, but the ones I love the most admit how hard it actually is. The best share their tricks of the trade and they’re brave enough to share their not-so-stellar moments too. Whether it is on a blog post, over a drink or while waiting in the preschool pick-up line, uncommon women offer up their insights to help the rest of us do what we do better.

The uncommon women I am lucky enough to know make me a better mom, writer and friend. I’ve met them through school, work, my husband and my kids. I’ve found them online, at my dentist office and connected through a friend of a friend. No matter how I’ve met them, I’m happy to have them in my life.

Thank you to all the ladies who encourage and inspire me every day and a special thanks to the uncommon women I got to hang out with this weekend.

I know how hard it is to spend time connecting with those around us, but every time I do, I know I am better off because of it. Now I just need to try to do it far more often. 

*Photo by Ahmed Rabea via Flickr

Creating a Preventative Maintenance Plan

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A few years ago I wrote a story about how preventative maintenance on equipment helps trucking fleets avoid costly breakdowns that usually come at inopportune times. The same can be true for people, only it is far less likely we actually draft out a preventative maintenance plan for ourselves.

I’ve spent the past week battling what seems like a never-ending cold and recovering from a root canal. I’ve also got several major deadlines this week, so the timing isn’t ideal. Over the weekend I wanted nothing more than to simply curl up in bed and watch Law & Order reruns all day.

Of course, life goes on. There were soccer games, a fabulous house guest and several writing assignments that also demanded my attention this week. Not to mention a toddler that has a deep desire to snuggle at 2 a.m. and a preschooler that likes to wake for the day at 5 a.m. It is no wonder I can’t shake these sniffles and that I put off my dentist appointment longer than I should have. Real life is a tremendous blessing, but it also takes all we’ve got to keep up with it.

I don’t know about life at your house, but I know life at ours is only going to get busier as we approach the holidays. As I continue on my road to recovery this week, I’m going to let my runny nose and aching jaw remind me to build in some preventative maintenance time of my own during my busy days, particularly during all the merry making (and relentless to-do list) that is sure to ensue over the next few months. That maintenance doesn’t have to be well-checks and doctor visits. It can also be a enjoying hot cup of tea, making time for a personal project or simply indulging in a favorite t.v. show for an hour or two.

I’m also going to remember to be more grateful for good health. Rabbi Harold Kushner in Who Needs God said, “One of the most sublime experiences we can ever have is to wake up feeling healthy after we have been sick. Even if it is only relief from a headache or toothache, the health we take for granted most of the time is suddenly seen to be an incredible blessing.”

Here’s hoping that tomorrow is that day for me! 

*Photo by Rohsyn via Stock Exchange