Do Labels Help or Hurt?

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Between my work schedule and my kiddos, I barely have time to read for fun, but I somehow managed to read The You I Never Knew by Susan Wiggs in just two days. This was the type of book that had me sneaking pages any chance I could get. Last night I caught myself sitting on the edge of the tub, holding the book in one hand and washing my kids’ hair with the other. I sometimes feel guilty when a novel takes my attention away from my motherly duties, but I figure that if reading is my biggest vice, my kids have gotten off pretty easy.

My hubby’s grandma gave the book to me It wasn’t until I finished it that I realized the word ROMANCE across the binding.

Yes, it was a love story, but I was surprised to see it categorized at romance. In my mind, it is a book about relationships, and a novel that would appeal to a lot of fiction readers—not just those who favor romance novels. In addition to being a great novel that made me feel like I was at a ranch in Montana (even with Johnson and Johnson’s Baby Wash dripping down my right hand), the book made me think about how books are labeled.

As a writer, I realize that publishers and booksellers need to put books in nice and neat categories. I also know that as I reader I gravitate to the sections of the bookstore that house the types of books I like. But those very tools that are meant to help us find what we want can also keep us from discovering great reads we’d love.

Had it not been given to me, I likely never would have found The You I Never Knew. That would have been my loss as I really loved this book. Susan Wiggs kept me entertained and made the characters and places in the book come alive. Now that I’ve finished it, I plan to go back through and try to figure out how Wiggs worked her magic. I am also going to branch out a little more often and check out books that aren’t necessarily my type. You never know, science fiction could totally be my thing and I don’t even know it yet

Skipping Happy Hour

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When you’re building a business around your kids’ schedules, you spend every night and weekend working—at least I do. That means I frequently find myself having to turn down fun invitations from friends. Just this week I had to make apologies several times because of work responsibilities. 
 
The hours between 8 p.m. (bedtime at our house) and midnight are precious. I write stories based on interviews I wrapped up during business hours, reply to email and review my calendar for the day ahead. While a happy hour or night out with girlfriends would be far more fun, I know I have to stay focused on my business (and the four upcoming deadlines on my calendar) to make it a success. 
 
When I first started freelancing, I found myself being a tad resentful from time to time, but I’ve shifted my attitude and find myself repeating some words of wisdom my grandpa passed on—the chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment. 
 
Tonight when I sit at my desk reviewing notes and working on a feature about fuel, I may find myself wishing I was sipping a glass of wine with girlfriends, but I will also know that I am working toward my ultimate goal of building a career while raising my family. Careers are built one story and one day at a time. At this point in my life, I work nights so I can enjoy the days with my little ones. One day soon that will shift, and I’m eager to see what my career and my kids look like as a result of the time I am investing in them both now. 
 
*Photo by Roger Kirby courtesy of istockphoto. 

 

Why I Do It

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Have you seen the previews for I Don’t Know How She Does It—the Sarah Jessica Parker flick about a working mom who tries to juggle her family and work life? Better yet, have you seen it? I haven’t, but I want to. That whole working-mom-with-two-small-kids thing means I’ll watch it when it finally makes its way to HBO. In the meantime, I’m loving the previews—especially the scene when the child comes home with lice.

This week a former professor of mine, Michele Weldon, wrote an insightful Op-Ed in the Chicago Tribune about the movie and the role of working moms. 

It made me think about why I work. Juggling a family and a career isn’t easy, but building a successful business around my family’s needs gives me four things I need:

Income: Our family needs dual incomes to make ends meet, and my earnings help cover the necessities—mortgage, insurance, diapers, etc.—and they let us indulge in sports and enrichment classes for the kids not to mention the occasional trip to Target that exceeds my monthly budget.

Security: When I was in college I read Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money and it had a lasting impression. My biggest take away was that at some point in her life, every woman will either be single, divorced or widowed and need to be able to manage her money. A few years later I watched a friend become a widow at 24 with a young son to take care of.  For me, it is important to know that I could be the sole breadwinner for my family if necessary. And, in a shaky economy, I like knowing that I could carry the weight for the family if my hubby found himself laid off.

Flexibility: I worked full time in an office until my son was 15 months old. My boss was amazing and my co-workers were incredibly supportive, but my time in the office coupled with my commute meant I was kissing my son goodbye shortly after he woke up and coming home just in time to put him to bed. I wasn’t being the kind of mom I wanted to be, so my freelance adventure began. Now I work anywhere from 30-50 hours a week, depending on my work load, but a good portion of it is at night after the kids are in bed or on the weekend when they’re having an adventure with their dad. Now my commute involves dropping my kiddos off at preschool five minutes away, then driving home and making my way downstairs to my office. I can schedule interviews and client meetings around school schedules, doctor appointments, trips to the museum and hockey lessons. Sure, writing at night means I have a lot of late nights and I need caffeine to get me through the day, but these years will go by in the blink of an eye.

An Outlet: Ultimately, my passion for my work goes much deeper than a paycheck. Whether I’m writing a tech-heavy article about refining fuel or doing a Q&A with a member of Congress, I get personal satisfaction from the interview process, the actual writing and, of course, seeing my byline.

 

 

Madelyn is One

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Dear Miss Madelyn,

Now you are one. It is hard to believe more than a year has passed since we first said hello.  Our days are full and it often feels as though one simply fades into the next. I try my best to savor each moment with you, and the quiet calm that comes with rocking you to sleep each night is among my favorite parts of our days. I love when you curl up into my chest and I rub your back right before you go to bed.

You feel things deeply and your dad and I have learned that you have high highs and low lows. You scream in delight when you’re happy and you scream out of anger when you’re mad. We’ve lovingly nicknamed you Level-10 Madelyn during those unhappy moments. My favorite nickname for you during the past year was Little Bittle, which your big brother called you for about five months straight. It has slowly faded out, but I love that he came up with that sweet name for his little sister.

You adore your big brother and wander from room to room saying “aaa-dee” searching for him. For quite some time I thought you were calling out daddy, but we soon figured out that is your special little call for Evan. You squeal in delight each morning when you see him for the first time and you scream happy screams when he gets you. In the car, he makes faces at you to make you laugh and both of you end up in giggles.

Since the day you were born, you were busy. You have busy hands and I hope you carry that trait throughout life. You love to help me unload the dishwasher and you enjoy carrying things from room to room to find new homes for them. Yesterday your daddy found his cell phone in the top drawer of my nightstand. We’re still missing your brother’s beloved Taggie bear that suddenly disappeared somewhere in the house two weeks ago. I keep thinking we’re going to find it tucked away somewhere right at your level.

You have quite a sense of humor and you know when you’re being funny. You love to put your brother’s (clean) underwear on your head because you know it will get a laugh out of us.

You are very determined in everything you do. For weeks you attempted your first steps, taking a few at a time before returning to the floor on your hands and knees. Then at 5:00 on a Wednesday evening just before your birthday, you decided it was time to walk. You gave up crawling just like that and embarked on a new adventure in your life. May you always have such ease in closing one door and opening another.

Thank you so much for being my little sweetie, for teaching me something new each day and for letting me share my life with you. I’m head over heels in love with you and I can’t wait to watch you grow.

All my love,

Mommy

A Kid Favorite: Tails

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Both of my kids love Tails by Matthew Van Fleet. Evan has been a fan of the book since he turned one and now Madelyn is following in his footsteps. She loves the hands-on textures and gets so excited when she gets the book all to herself. That, of course, only happens when Evan is at school. 



They both love it so much that I’m thinking of buying a second copy!  

A Favorite Quote: Erma Bombeck

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If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you’s".. More "I’m sorrys" … But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back. — Erma Bombeck 

Waving Goodbye to Daddy

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If you’re in my living room at 8:00 a.m. on a weekday, this is the view that you’ll see. 

These two little ones stand at the door, waving and watching intently until their daddy’s car is out of view. Evan usually calls Bryan back two or three times. "Daddy, I just have one more thing to tell you," he says. Then he quickly makes something up. "The trees have leaves," he’ll say with a grin. "Wait, now I have something to give you." Then he wraps his arms around his dad’s legs, which sometimes gets peanut butter on Bryan’s pants. It all depends on whether or not Evan has had breakfast yet. The whole routine usually delays Bryan by at least ten minutes, but it is pretty cute to watch. It also makes me grateful that instead of commuting in D.C. traffic, I spend the next hour getting the kids dressed, packing Evan’s lunch and taking a five-minute drive to the church where Evan goes to preschool. It sure beats sitting in traffic. Being able to ditch my morning drive time is definitely one of the top five reasons I love working from home.  

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

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We spent a perfect afternoon taking in a Washington Nationals baseball game yesterday. I think I watched approximately five minutes of the game. I spent the rest of the time watching my kiddos and thinking about how lucky I am. It’s true. Even on my worst day, I could take a look at these photos and know that life is good.   

 P.S. The Nationals won!